The void
It is been a really long time since I have made a blog post. After all who reads blogs these days. I know I don't read many unless they are featured on instapaper or reddit or some place. Coming back to my absence, a lot of stuff has happened in this long period. I lost someone whom I was close to, finally moved to a new city, started working in a corporation, which doesn't support what I am about to type and these views are mine and mine alone; unless someone has similar views like me. Okay enough with the crap and jumping around the bush.
So, void! a term programmers learn on day one, meaning it doesn't have anything. An absence of a value, a parameter, a function which does a lot of stuff but nothing comes out of it. Basically a void! Void is a part of all of us. Even when we have everything, we also have void with us. This is kinda the after effect of technology and modern society. We all long for something. Something that we feel is important to us. Something which on achieving we feel we will finally feel completed, feel whole. The absence of which I wish to call void.
The void is not like greed. Greed is an attribute to be used when already have something but we want more of it. More and more of it. In fact it would be safe to say that greed is a culmination of the void. An after effect of void. When filling up the void is just not enough and you need more and more of it, that is what I like to call greed. First comes the void, an absence of a value, an absence of a person, an absence of a need, an absence of a will to live, an absence of a goal, an absence of a motive, an absence of a necessity or perhaps an absence of structure in our life.
In my case, I have had voids at many times in my life and still do. That I wish to keep some unfilled is a different issue, and that I feel I have overfilled some is a completely different matter. No matter how much I fill them up or remove stuff from them I feel they still remain. I'll start from my first year in college, now that college is done and most of the people reading this, are from my college anyways. First year was a year of freedom for me. Before I joined college, I didn't have many friends and used to spend a lot of my time alone. College changed this. I could start things again with people. Find new people, have "FUN", enjoy, and blame it all on YOLO. After a few setbacks and health issues, I realised I was overfilling the void. Enjoying more than I should.
The setbacks, transformed. I no longer used to chat till wee hours of morning. Again I didn't have many friends. I longed for companionship, it is around that time that I found some good people who supported me and still do. That alone was not enough. Friends alone do not make an individual. The void of future, the void of life path had opened up. Though I'm not so sure if it is still filled or not, but it sure is filling up. It is around that time, I decided I had to set things straight. I started working. I started learning. Not college stuff, but stuff over and beyond that. I started surrounding myself with technology.
Initially I felt, it was too much and I felt I won't last for long, but I had to do it. It is what made me what made me the person who I am right now. I sure has helped me a lot, but all of it came at a cost. A cost of a new void. The void of a healthy and fit body. Sure I know a lot of stuff buff people of my age don't, but I too wish for a healthier body. The void of technology, is very hard to fill. I have a vision which I wish to fulfil, trying that only deepens the void. Coming back to what I guess might be the third year. I had changed. Changed drastically.
Money! who doesn't love money? It is around that time, that friendships and companionship did not matter to me anymore. A new void had opened up. The void to get more and more money. It wasn't much of a void as much of it was greed. That year I didn't attend my class trip, just so that I could sell or design a few more systems. Get working on my super awesome AI. True during that time, I did study a lot (not college stuff), but nor did it close the void of money or better business or more knowledge. It only opened a new one of companionship. It is around that time, I found someone who could fill that void. Not many people know about it, but yeah there was someone at that time too.
Then came the final year, where being busy and overworked got taken to a whole new level.My sleep duration was getting reduced. Sleep became a luxury and boom you guessed it, tada we have a new void on the block. The one of sleep. However, it did close the voids of education, companionship and many others with it. Just typing this out brings back so many memories and tears to my eyes. Those days are gone, and I long for them.
Coming to current situation. I wanted to expand my circle, meet new people more people, explore the world. And so I left. This was and is not easy. Perhaps this is the biggest decision I have made in my life after being born. All these voids did close down. The void of money as well to a certain extent. But it only widened the void of family and friends. I miss them. I miss my city. I miss my hometown. I miss the traffic. I miss the weather. I miss the sweat. I miss the trains. I miss all of it. But I won't let it drag me down. I won't let those voids pull me down.
I know for a fact, that as long as I am alive, these voids shall remain. I know that they will always pull me. But it is always up to me in which direction I have to get pulled. I know that over time these voids will increase, but they will only make me a better human, something greater than what I currently am. These void functions will be the ones which will not return anything, but they will surely help in designing me.
I know this post has been not that great. Please give me some time. Do leave your suggestions below. I do read them. Don't feel shy. Just fill the void. Okay I'm tired now. Until next time. Also more stuff will come up soon. Just wait.
So, void! a term programmers learn on day one, meaning it doesn't have anything. An absence of a value, a parameter, a function which does a lot of stuff but nothing comes out of it. Basically a void! Void is a part of all of us. Even when we have everything, we also have void with us. This is kinda the after effect of technology and modern society. We all long for something. Something that we feel is important to us. Something which on achieving we feel we will finally feel completed, feel whole. The absence of which I wish to call void.
The void is not like greed. Greed is an attribute to be used when already have something but we want more of it. More and more of it. In fact it would be safe to say that greed is a culmination of the void. An after effect of void. When filling up the void is just not enough and you need more and more of it, that is what I like to call greed. First comes the void, an absence of a value, an absence of a person, an absence of a need, an absence of a will to live, an absence of a goal, an absence of a motive, an absence of a necessity or perhaps an absence of structure in our life.
In my case, I have had voids at many times in my life and still do. That I wish to keep some unfilled is a different issue, and that I feel I have overfilled some is a completely different matter. No matter how much I fill them up or remove stuff from them I feel they still remain. I'll start from my first year in college, now that college is done and most of the people reading this, are from my college anyways. First year was a year of freedom for me. Before I joined college, I didn't have many friends and used to spend a lot of my time alone. College changed this. I could start things again with people. Find new people, have "FUN", enjoy, and blame it all on YOLO. After a few setbacks and health issues, I realised I was overfilling the void. Enjoying more than I should.
The setbacks, transformed. I no longer used to chat till wee hours of morning. Again I didn't have many friends. I longed for companionship, it is around that time that I found some good people who supported me and still do. That alone was not enough. Friends alone do not make an individual. The void of future, the void of life path had opened up. Though I'm not so sure if it is still filled or not, but it sure is filling up. It is around that time, I decided I had to set things straight. I started working. I started learning. Not college stuff, but stuff over and beyond that. I started surrounding myself with technology.
Initially I felt, it was too much and I felt I won't last for long, but I had to do it. It is what made me what made me the person who I am right now. I sure has helped me a lot, but all of it came at a cost. A cost of a new void. The void of a healthy and fit body. Sure I know a lot of stuff buff people of my age don't, but I too wish for a healthier body. The void of technology, is very hard to fill. I have a vision which I wish to fulfil, trying that only deepens the void. Coming back to what I guess might be the third year. I had changed. Changed drastically.
Money! who doesn't love money? It is around that time, that friendships and companionship did not matter to me anymore. A new void had opened up. The void to get more and more money. It wasn't much of a void as much of it was greed. That year I didn't attend my class trip, just so that I could sell or design a few more systems. Get working on my super awesome AI. True during that time, I did study a lot (not college stuff), but nor did it close the void of money or better business or more knowledge. It only opened a new one of companionship. It is around that time, I found someone who could fill that void. Not many people know about it, but yeah there was someone at that time too.
Then came the final year, where being busy and overworked got taken to a whole new level.My sleep duration was getting reduced. Sleep became a luxury and boom you guessed it, tada we have a new void on the block. The one of sleep. However, it did close the voids of education, companionship and many others with it. Just typing this out brings back so many memories and tears to my eyes. Those days are gone, and I long for them.
Coming to current situation. I wanted to expand my circle, meet new people more people, explore the world. And so I left. This was and is not easy. Perhaps this is the biggest decision I have made in my life after being born. All these voids did close down. The void of money as well to a certain extent. But it only widened the void of family and friends. I miss them. I miss my city. I miss my hometown. I miss the traffic. I miss the weather. I miss the sweat. I miss the trains. I miss all of it. But I won't let it drag me down. I won't let those voids pull me down.
I know for a fact, that as long as I am alive, these voids shall remain. I know that they will always pull me. But it is always up to me in which direction I have to get pulled. I know that over time these voids will increase, but they will only make me a better human, something greater than what I currently am. These void functions will be the ones which will not return anything, but they will surely help in designing me.
I know this post has been not that great. Please give me some time. Do leave your suggestions below. I do read them. Don't feel shy. Just fill the void. Okay I'm tired now. Until next time. Also more stuff will come up soon. Just wait.
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