New year ?
A new year. A new start ? Not really. Just a continuation of what happened last year and its after effects. The same loneliness, sadness, anger, anxiety follows. What makes things worse is that I have my vacations going on right now. That means to spend the entire day at home. I do code or try to learn new stuff. But somehow I don't feel like doing anything at all. Wherever I go there are people who criticize, do back bitching, and similar stuff. The list is endless. Perhaps its the curse of the youth. Or is it the way we see it that its a curse ? I want like all that all this fucking shit should come to an end. Somehow only one solution comes in my mind. End myself....
But is it the right thing to do ?? I tell my mom or people around me about this and pretty much all of them tell me " Isn't it too early to give up on everything ? And even after you give up on everything you will be born again and continue on this vicious cycle". Funny that no one says that this vicious cycle should end. My maternal grandmother passed away last week. She was suffering from Parkinson Disease. She was in a lot of pain perhaps infinitely lot more than what I am undergoing right now. That to from the past two years. But she held on to her life all this time. Things like these give me hope to live on. But at the same time they also ask me a question. Why to endure all this pain, for whom, for what cause ? Is it worth it ? ;) That is a lot of serious and pointless thinking. Just move on. But where to move has to be decided by us.
While I was writing this piece "Every rose has its thorn" from "Rock of Ages" was playing in the background. Why can't people accept this fact. People do have their perks and lows. After a certain time these lows cannot be corrected at all. One has to simply accept them. Be it your own or of someone else. Just like our ego gets hurt when someone criticizes us, when you criticize someone his ego does get hurt to. Ego, I know is a bad thing but in ways such as this it is helpful too.
OK lets put all the sad and depressing stuff aside, shall we. Bigger question is can we. It sure is hard but not impossible. Whats the harm in trying it. :)
But is it the right thing to do ?? I tell my mom or people around me about this and pretty much all of them tell me " Isn't it too early to give up on everything ? And even after you give up on everything you will be born again and continue on this vicious cycle". Funny that no one says that this vicious cycle should end. My maternal grandmother passed away last week. She was suffering from Parkinson Disease. She was in a lot of pain perhaps infinitely lot more than what I am undergoing right now. That to from the past two years. But she held on to her life all this time. Things like these give me hope to live on. But at the same time they also ask me a question. Why to endure all this pain, for whom, for what cause ? Is it worth it ? ;) That is a lot of serious and pointless thinking. Just move on. But where to move has to be decided by us.
While I was writing this piece "Every rose has its thorn" from "Rock of Ages" was playing in the background. Why can't people accept this fact. People do have their perks and lows. After a certain time these lows cannot be corrected at all. One has to simply accept them. Be it your own or of someone else. Just like our ego gets hurt when someone criticizes us, when you criticize someone his ego does get hurt to. Ego, I know is a bad thing but in ways such as this it is helpful too.
OK lets put all the sad and depressing stuff aside, shall we. Bigger question is can we. It sure is hard but not impossible. Whats the harm in trying it. :)
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